If you are with me from Step 1, then you are beginning to understand what it means to feel passionate about what you want to do and whom you want to become. None of this has to be done all at once. It is a work in progress and will take some time to really develop and evolve. In the meantime it is enough just to begin working on these things in order to work at a better life free of the things we do to imprison ourselves from our own unlimited potential.
When we are engaged in the process of developing and growing – especially if we are new at it, or starting over then it is important to recognize that I am in a place where I have much to learn. The truth is I want to stay in this place – I want to remain teachable. As long as that is true I can continue to learn and with learning comes growth. I have had the experience of calling customer service reps on computer issues and feeling certain that I knew more than the person on the other end of the line. Then all I felt was frustration and anger and that blocked me from getting closer to the solution I was looking for. Moreover my reaction I am sure did not feel good to the person on the other end of the line – no matter what his/her first language might be – they still feel the same stuff! Did I build a relationship in those situations or did I destroy one? How many relationships in our collective experiences never get to happen because of these types of blocks? I have found on more than one occasion that when I remained calm and maintained patience in these situations then once they got me through the basic parts (the stuff I “already know”) they were able to help me with the real issue. They first have to satisfy themselves that they understand the issue and as much as I think I know, I don’t know everything. I also begin trusting in the universe that whatever is happening in this moment is exactly what is supposed to happen. So there is a reason why I need to sit through these painstaking moments in which I think I already know what I am being shown. Maybe to teach me patience? Maybe to give me the review that I need to set my mind right so that I am ready to learn the next thing? Maybe at any given moment I am about to find out that there is one key thing I don’t know, the answer to which might open up doors to a whole new and incredible experience. The point is that I never know what next experience my current experience is about to take me to. So it is usually best to wait patiently and see what unfolds always with a mind and an eye towards growth and learning.
The key that opens the door to all learning is the humility and willingness to ask for help. This is the opposite of what most of us have been taught in society. Society will have us believe that to ask for help is a sign of weakness. That it means I am not a “Man” or “Woman”. The irony of this is that in reality it is asking for help that separates the children from the adults. The child says “I don’t need any help”. The adult says “If I can get some help I can learn and grow”. That’s the whole difference and the basis for any progress. Why do we attend schools at all levels? When we go to register for a class we are in effect asking for help. My primary source and inspiration for these steps is a book called “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions”, and in there I find a phrase that perfectly describes the learning process: search and research again and again always with an open mind.
In asking for help we are going to begin surrounding us with the people who are in a position to help us. It is a given of course then that they have to be willing to help us. If someone is not willing to help then they are not the sort of people I want to be around. This of course means that I have to be of the mindset where I am willing to help. We get what we give, so if I am not willing to help others, what can I expect to get in return? This is an important principle for living. There are givers and takers. The givers are the ones who really receive. The takers get what they take and then are left with little else and they will likely lose what they’ve taken. Not to mention the takers are almost guaranteed a life of loneliness – nobody likes them and when they become recognizable (and they do) people will run from them. The givers are a source of light for many people. We are attracted to light – we want to be around this kind of person. This is who I want to become, how about you?
How does this apply in business? The answer is everywhere. Most people will be flattered when you ask them for help and based on that, they will be happy to do it. Depending on the circumstances some will require a fee for their help. This is ok (if we can afford to pay) we should want to pay. This is an acknowledgement that the help we are being given is meaningful and valuable to us. I have a client whom I’ve noticed is constantly negotiated better rates with people. Above and beyond the normal shopping around you and I might do. What I notice in the process is that he diminishes the value of the relationship as he diminishes the cost he has to pay. If someone keeps working me for a better rate, it gets beyond the point where I see he just wants the best value and moves into a realm where it seems clear he does not value what I provide. I do not enjoy working with him. On the other side when someone comes to me and insists on paying top dollar because they so value what I can offer it feels good. It feels really good in fact and there is nothing I won’t do for that person – including voluntarily discounting my rate. So then I have to ask myself, which of these people do I want to be when I am asking for help? When I am no that side of the equation. Well for starters, one sounds much more like a demand, while the other comes across as a genuine and grateful request for help.
Asking for help is a sign of strength. It suggests that we are adult enough to recognize that we need help. Then we can be sure that in getting the help we ask for we will learn and grow from it. This process will cause is to become better, happier, stronger, more usefully whole people.
Step 2 is also a point, right in the beginning of the process where we come together. In asking for help we establish and or deepen our relationships with others. When someone helps me I appreciate this. I don’t forget and then when the time comes I am prepared to offer help right back to that person or group who helped me. Or I pay it forward so that the next time someone asks me for help I am there without thinking twice about it because I truly appreciate the help people have given me along the way. And there has been much of that.
I hope everyone had a great and safe Labor Day weekend!
Seth David
